MATHEMATICIANS hunt bears by going to the woods, throwing out everything that is not an bear, and catching one of whatever is left.

EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique bear before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.

PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique bear and then leave the detection and capture of an actual bear as an exercise for their graduate students.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt bears by exercising Algorithm A:

1. Go to the woods.
2. Start at the south.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the woods alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass
   1. Catch each animal seen.
   2. Compare each animal caught to a known bear.
   3. Stop when a match is detected.

EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known bear on a log in the woods to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

ENGINEERS hunt bears by going to the woods, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed bear.

ECONOMISTS don't hunt bears, but they believe that if bears are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an bear.

CONSULTANTS don't hunt bears, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of bear-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the bears.

POLITICIANS don't hunt bears, but they will share the bears you catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS don't hunt bears, but they do follow bears around arguing about who owns the droppings.

SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire group of bears based on the look and feel of one dropping.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad bear-hunting policy based on the assumption that bears are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the bears and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

SALES PEOPLE don't hunt bears but spend their time selling bears they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an bear.

HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop bears.

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This page is maintained by RUSSELL HOLDER and does not represent any views of policies of and is not affiliated in any way with my employer.
Last update: 13MAY98 0344HRS

Onward in Scouting,
Russell@dra.com